The Surprisingly Simple Secret
Creating a great family life in a dizzy busy world

I was watching my first-born child shake hands with the principal at her high school graduation It seemed like yesterday she was just a baby, begging me to read her favorite story one more time and sneaking into my room at night to sleep next to me. I thought I had all the time in the world. How did those eighteen years go by so fast? I was overwhelmed with this sense of panic and guilt. My daughter is going off into the world. Have we taught her everything she needs to know? Does she know how proud we are and how much we love her? Have we given her a sense of family that will keep her connected to us?

I looked over at her eleven and fifteen-year old brothers sitting next to me in their shirts and ties, and then down at my tummy, enormous with twins - due in a couple of weeks. I realized that I would have even less time in the future than I had during the last eighteen years. How do parents do it all? How do they fit work and kids and personal time into a 24-hour day and feel good about it?

I made it my mission, then and there, to find out what families do to create happy homes and strong ties. I started buying books, everything I could find on the subject of family and I came across an article entitled “Our Favorite Childhood Memories.” It was fascinating and, at the same time, disturbing. Our fondest childhood memories, the author says, are not the lavish birthday parties, the expensive gifts or the never-ending stream of sports and activities.

As adults, we remember most fondly the simple family events that were repeated over and over again: reading by flashlight on the annual summer camping trip, sleeping under the newly decorated Christmas tree, sharing our “thankfuls” while eating Grandma Rose’s pecan pumpkin pie, or lying like sardines on Aunt Teri’s quilt watching the Fourth of July fireworks.

We also remember the daily and weekly rituals: Dad taking us out for ice cream every Friday night or Mom asking us at dinner to share three good things that happened that day. Good smells, good feelings... spending time with people who care about us. These day-to-day rituals, holiday traditions and simple family vacations create powerful memories; memories that connect us forever. Even if we rolled our eyes, whined, “Do I have to?” and did everything we could to get out of participating, we grew up thinking that those were the best of times. The really funny part is that we now insist on sharing those same rituals and traditions with our children and grandchildren. That’s how it works.

The article bothered me at first because I realized that, like most of us, I’d been spending time and money doing things that no one would remember, while missing the opportunity to do little things that make all the difference. After twenty years of raising children, I thought I knew what I was doing. Obviously not! The simple secret was right under my nose, but I had missed it.

Richard Eyre, co-founder of valuesparenting.com, describes his own birthday tradition. It’s a wonderful example of how traditions are the basis for memories that connect family members, no matter where they are.

“On my birthday in October, we had always raked huge piles of autumn leaves with the kids and then jumped in them, stuffed them in our shirts, threw them in the air, and just generally had a wild time. We thought as the kids got older, their interest in such a frivolous activity would fade. On the contrary, when they were teens, the leaf piles just got bigger. Finally, one year, four of our children were away at school or living abroad. On my birthday, four birthday cards arrived. As I opened the first, a leaf fell out and a note, ‘Dad, I honored your birthday tradition. Here’s a leaf from my jumping pile. I love you.’ Through my tears I opened the other three — and a leaf fell from each.”

I doubt if the Eyre children raked together piles of leaves and jumped in them simply to please their dad. I believe they carried on this cherished family tradition because it made them feel closer to their father and connected to everyone else in the family. That’s what traditions do. They are the building blocks of strong family ties.

Despite the challenges we face today, it’s possible to have a simple, joyful, meaningful family life. Say NO to today’s dizzybusy lifestyle and get back to the basics of a simple, joyful, meaningful life. It’s not about doing more. It’s about doing less and doing the right things. The happyhome habits are based on the five “protective factors” decades of research has shown families need to be strong, connected and happy. Visit the happyhome club online and join the thousands of families who are experiencing the powerful difference these simple habits can make in their lives. Take part in the life-changing happyhome challenge and earn free products that will enrich your family life at home...because happyhomes don’t just happen.

Lorle Campos, CEO/Founder of Once Upon a Family, is the author of happyhome: a family's guide to finding balance in a dizzybusy world. Take part in the happyhome Challenge to receive free tools and products to enrich your family life at home.