Marriage Survival Secrets
Five simple steps to a close, loving relationship

We always hear people talk about how much work it is to keep a relationship alive. And we believe this because most of us haven’t been very successful at it either. But the truth is, it’s not that difficult - if you know what to do. It’s actually pretty simple.

Just like tending a garden, relationships need to be cared for in order to survive and thrive. Unfortunately, our lives have become so busy and disconnected in today’s fast-paced, technological world that we have little time left for our most important relationships. In the same way that a neglected garden ends up with more weeds than thriving plants, if we’re not careful we reach a point in our relationships - when there is more conflict and frustration than fun and understanding.

The five simple steps below are designed to bring you back to why you fell in love in the first place. Try to remember what that was like: You were happy doing whatever he wanted to do, you listened to every word she said, you had fun together and were constantly giving each other compliments, affection, time and gifts. The first and most important thing you can do to revive your relationship is to go back to giving each other lots of gifts of attention. Once you reconnect on a positive level, you are in a better position to talk about your differences, resolve conflict, and build a stronger relationship.

1. Once-a-day: give the gift of attention. Take a few minutes every day to give the gift of attention. Remember that attention is about what your spouse needs, not what you need. Ask about something important, compliment a job well done, show appreciation for qualities your spouse is proud of and applaud tasks that your significant other is striving toward. Top that off with a kiss and a hug.

2. Once-a-week: do something fun together. Our lives have become so busy we have less and less time for personal relationships. When children become a part of the family, couple time is practically nonexistent. We need to do the kind of things we enjoyed when we fell in love. A once-a-week date will help you reconnect, enjoy each other’s company (without the kids) and keep your relationship strong. Be sure to plan activities that you used to enjoy doing together. Otherwise you end up going to a nearby restaurant and talking about the kids.

3. Once-a-month: share a special tradition. Pick one day a month (your anniversary date, 3rd Saturday, etc) to share or celebrate a tradition that is yours alone. Plan dinner at the same table in the same restaurant where he proposed, enjoy a romantic evening for two in a local hotel, or take turns surprising each other by doing something your significant asked for but you never felt like doing (going to a baseball game, or painting the kitchen). Even something as simple as exchanging notes of appreciation can become a very meaningful tradition.

4. Once-a-year: revisit your vows and goals. Before marriage, we spend time talking about the future and what we want to share as a couple. Then busy married life sets in, and we can’t even remember the vows we exchanged on our wedding day. Plan a special weekend getaway once a year (a mini-moon) to revisit your vows, watch your wedding video, and talk about your goals as a couple. What do you want to promise to be and do for each other? What will you commit to doing as a couple for the year to come? Record your promises and goals in a journal to refer to all year long.

5. Once-in-a-while: show how much you care. It doesn’t take much to touch someone’s heart, especially when it is unexpected. Leave love notes under a pillow, in a lunch box or taped to the steering wheel. Do a chore without being asked. Take the time to really listen and understand. True gifts of love come in many different forms, including hugs, praise, time and attention. No one, no matter how old we are, ever outgrows the need to know we matter to someone else.

Lorle Campos, CEO/Founder of Once Upon a Family, is the author of happyhome: a family's guide to finding balance in a dizzybusy world. Take part in the happyhome Challenge to receive free tools and products to enrich your family life at home.