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Letting Go & Saying No
Our lives today have become overwhelmingly busy. Everything is too much: too busy, too fast, too hectic. There are too many emails, too many activities, obligations and choices. We take on more and more, work harder and harder…go faster and faster. Yet we never feel satisfied with where we are. We’re afraid to stop long enough to think about what we’re doing. Our world is spinning out of control and we feel off balance, dizzybusy. Even the most organized, efficient and productive people are feeling overwhelmed. No matter how hard we try, we can’t work our way out of this problem and we can’t organize our way out of this problem. This unhealthy habit creates enormous stress in our lives. It doesn’t feel good and it’s not good for us.
The worst part of the dizzybusy lifestyle is that it leaves little time to connect as a family and create the loving, safe haven we all need at home. Since we are distracted from doing the things that really matter, we feel guilty on top of stressed-out. We all know what we want: loving connections, strong family values and happy holiday memories. But our day-to-day reality is often far from that fairy-tale image we have in our minds. So, what can we do to compensate for our dizzybusy lifestyles? How can we find, and model for our children, that balance we so desperately need? How do we stay focused on what’s important? It’s about letting go and saying no!
There are many ways you can say no and let go. It depends on what you are doing, whether it enriches your life, or not, and how addicted you are to that activity. For some people, limiting email checking to only once a day would be like trying to stop smoking or removing sugar from their diet. It’s tough. You control the behaviors you enjoy, but addictive behaviors control you. You have to decide if your dizzybusy addictions are good for you or not.
A simple way to conquer the dizzybusy habit is to eliminate anything that doesn’t add value to your life. Ask yourself, “Do I need it?” and “Do I love it?” If the answer is no to both of those questions, then you can say no.
It’s easy for me to say no to the Christmas card ordeal, which I haven’t done in the last fifteen years, anyway. I don’t love doing it, and I don’t need to do it, so I let go of it — and let go of the guilt associated with not getting it done. On the other hand, I love baking. I can’t pass up cooking special treats for work, a school event or a family gathering. I love the smell of cinnamon, ginger and freshly grated nutmeg. I love the physical activity of rolling out the pie crust and pinching the edges. I especially enjoy sharing the fresh-from-the-oven yummy warm pumpkin pie with my children. I bake because it’s a relaxing and joyful activity for me, not because I feel
like I have to. And I love sharing my Christmas baking with family and friends, which takes the place of the Christmas cards I don’t send. There is a big difference between doing something because you want to and
doing something because you feel you have to.
The “just say no” check list suggests some little things you can say no to that make a big impact. Check off a few and add a few of your own to the list. If you start to panic and think: “Oh, I have to do this, I can’t not do that,” then ask yourself, “What’s the worst that would happen if I don’t?” The answer is usually “not much!” You can’t be everything to everybody, so try to be present for those who matter most to you, and those who will be most impacted by your efforts.
• Turn your phone off during hours when you are with family or at work.
• Limit email checking to once or twice a day. Don’t look at it in between.
• Plan a certain amount of time for emails. The rest can wait until tomorrow.
• Cancel newspapers you don’t read and magazines you don’t love.
• Throw out and cancel catalogs you don’t need. Browse online instead.
• Go through your mail once or twice a week. Don’t open obvious junk mail.
• Don’t waste time being nice to solicitors. Say no kindly, up front.
• Limit volunteering — at school, church, being team mom…
• Say no to social engagements you don’t want or need to attend.
• Limit the number of play-dates, birthday parties, sports and activities.
• Stop sending holiday cards in December. Surprise everyone in June.
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Once you have learned to let go and say no, you will have more time to focus on what’s really important for your loved ones. There are five simple things we can do to create the kind of family life we really want: the happyhome habits. They are based on the five protective factors that decades of research have shown families need to be strong, connected and happy.
Say NO to today’s dizzybusy lifestyle and get back to the basics of a simple, joyful, meaningful life. It’s not about doing more. It’s about doing less and doing the right things. Visit the happyhome club online and join the thousands of families who are experiencing the powerful difference these simple habits can make in their lives. Take part in the life-changing happyhome challenge and earn free products that will enrich your family life at home...because happyhomes don’t just happen.
Lorle Campos, CEO/Founder of Once Upon a Family, is the author of happyhome: a family's guide to finding balance in a dizzybusy world. Take part in the happyhome Challenge to receive free tools and products to enrich your family life at home. |
