Good Parenting: Less is More
We need to stop micromanaging our children

In this dizzybusy competitive world, parenting has evolved into a frenzied panic around preparing our kids for college. It starts with putting names on lists for the “best” pre-schools — where they are tested before they are accepted. College counseling and SAT tutoring has become the norm. Parents are completing college applications and practically writing the essays for their children. Some of this is good and some of it goes way over the top.

When my son was in college, he was amazed at how many students couldn’t manage a bank account and how many of their parents were still choosing classes for them – in college! The micro-managing of our children’s lives is another example of one of “those things” that has become an addiction for some parents. Although they think they are helping, micro-managing parents don’t realize the negative impact this parenting style can have on children — and on us.

Let them make decisions
We begin when our children are very young, making too many decisions for them because we are afraid they might not make the “right“ ones. Micro-managing tells our children that we don’t believe they can make good choices and that they are not capable of managing their own lives. Although this is subtle, it is a powerfully negative message to deliver over and over again. True, positive self-esteem comes from doing, learning and overcoming obstacles, which includes making mistakes. Let your children come to you for advice, but let them make choices (when possible). Don’t do it for them. When we let our kids know that we believe they are capable of doing things on their own, they figure out a way.

Let them make mistakes
Micro-managing handicaps children, preventing them from learning how to be responsible and manage their own lives. We have to let them comb their own hair, choose their own clothes (within reason), and pick their extra-curricular activities — let them practice with little decisions while the stakes are low and they still have us to fall back on. Using their minds, hearts and consciences to make decisions internalizes important values for children that will guide their decision-making about right and wrong later, when no one is there to help them.

Let them be bored
Micro-managing also makes children believe that life revolves around them, setting them up for a rude awakening when they go out into the world. Parents today feel like they need to entertain their kids, keeping them occupied in an endless stream of play-dates and structured activities. There’s nothing wrong with children being bored. In fact they need to be bored because bored kids become self-sufficient, creative kids. They will find ways to entertain themselves and they will become happier adults.

Let them wait and let them want
Expensive gifts, lavish parties, adult-like privileges. Too much, too soon, doesn’t do our children any good. In fact, it’s quite harmful. We know it’s called spoiling and we make jokes about it almost as if we are proud – because it means we can afford to, or it means we love them more than the next parent. We see that it turns them into obnoxious brats who throw temper tantrums when they can’t have what they want and loose all appreciation for what they do have? But do we realize that it robs them of the most valuable gifts we can give them? Those important life lessons that will serve them later in life and help them become happy successful adults. When we give them everything they want, the minute they want it, we steal from them the opportunity to learn patience, hard work and perseverance. They have little compassion for others who aren’t as fortunate and they never feel the joy and satisfaction of earning something on their own. These gifts cost nothing and last forever.

Let go and give yourself a break
Micro-managing requires a lot of time and effort for parents, which leaves us neglecting ourselves and other relationships. When we take care of our needs, we have the energy and patience to properly take care of our children.  All relationships need to be nurtured to survive and thrive. It’s good for our children to see us seeking balance between their needs and our needs. They watch closely — what you do today is often what your children will do when they grow up.

Say NO to today’s dizzybusy lifestyle and get back to the basics of a simple, joyful, meaningful life. It’s not about doing more. It’s about doing less and doing the right things. The happyhome habits are based on the five “protective factors” decades of research has shown families need to be strong, connected and happy. Visit the happyhome club online and join the thousands of families who are experiencing the powerful difference these simple habits can make in their lives. Take part in the life-changing happyhome challenge and earn free products that will enrich your family life at home...because happyhomes don’t just happen.

Lorle Campos, CEO/Founder of Once Upon a Family, is the author of happyhome: a family's guide to finding balance in a dizzybusy world. Take part in the happyhome Challenge to receive free tools and products to enrich your family life at home.