Chaos to Connection
simple solutions for busy families

It’s no secret that our lives have become overwhelmingly busy, stressful and chaotic – dizzybusy. We work harder and harder, go faster and faster and never feel like we accomplish much. We stay up later, take less vacation time and buy more books on “getting organized.” The statistics are shocking:

80%of our medical expenditures are stress-related

90% of the population claims there is not enough time

stress management programs, products, and services total more than 10 billion a year

stress costs corporate America $7,500 per employee per year

there are 376,542 books on stress management

It doesn’t feel good and it’s not good for us. Research shows that our dizzybusy lifestyles are negatively affecting our children even more than we thought. The lack of connection with loved ones is causing them to feel anxious, stressed and pessimistic about life. Rates of alcohol and drug abuse, as well as depression and suicide, continue to rise at the college level every year.

Society has convinced us that more sports, music lessons and chess tournaments are going to prepare our kids for a better life. Some of that is great, but all the extra-curricular activities in the world will not make up for the lost opportunity we have to teach our children valuable life lessons and build strong family ties. Be selective. One or two activities per child are all they need and probably all they can handle. Kids need down time, when nothing is planned and spontaneous connections occur. And so do we.

How do we find the time in our dizzybusy world to stay focused on what we know in our hearts is important? How can we find, and model for our children, that balance we so desperately need?

It’s more important than ever to show our children that we can slow down, stop working and enjoy each other’s company. Research shows that strong families spend intentional quality time together. Family Fun Night is a great opportunity to weave all five protective factors into family life: communication, quality time, traditions, shared memories and lots of love. So, stop all the hustle and bustle and do something fun together. Put family first by setting aside a day and a time to have fun: board games, bowling, hiking, a craft or cooking project. We can protect family time by saying no to television, phones, or work related interruptions. Friday nights are great since everyone can relax at the close of the week.

Family Fun Night is a great opportunity to create a sense of belonging. A healthy, happy family is one in which all members have a voice, are respected and believe they matter. Create your own family fun box at home, and use the idea cards included in this section as a way to gather activity suggestions for your time together. Ask everyone to write down an idea of family fun on the idea cards and place them, folded, in the box. Take turns letting family members pick the activity, so each person feels he or she is a valued part of the family unit. Most importantly, put family fun night on your calendar to make sure it happens.

At our house, we call it Sunday Funday: the day when we don’t do any chores. We don’t make our beds, run errands, or work. We don’t even make phone calls, except to family and friends.  I still have to cook, do dishes and make lunches for school on Monday, but Sunday Funday is relaxing compared to every other day of the week. We each get two wishes: one thing we want to do that day and one thing we want to eat. Then, we plan our day around everyone’s wishes. Of course, Mom has veto-power. The eight hours of video games my boys wish for every Sunday Funday doesn’t make the cut.

My twin boys and I were playing board games one Sunday after-noon when my 17-year-old, Sean, decided to join us — probably, I suspected, to exert his older brother power and push the twins around a little. Sure enough, within an hour Sean called Dylan a loser, sending him running to my room in tears, where he slid under the bed. I went after him, lay down beside him and tried to make it better, “He’s just a teenager and he doesn’t really mean it.” I wasn’t helping. Dylan kept repeating, “I’m a loser, I’m a loser.” Finally I said, “Who are you going to believe, your mother who’s older and knows these things or Sean, who’s still a kid?” Dylan responded, with absolute conviction, “Oh, Sean, of course. He’s taller than you, so he’s smarter than you.” As you can see, family time doesn’t always go the way we want it to. It doesn’t matter. It’s the good and the bad all rolled together that make life so precious. And if we don’t slow down and make time to live life, it will surely pass us by..

Family life doesn’t have to be perfect to be good. In fact, the goodness is in the imperfections and when we try to make it perfect, we lose out on the goodness.

It's easier than we think to get back to the basics of a simple, joyful, meaningful life. It’s not about doing more. It’s about doing less and doing the right things. The happyhome habits are based on the five “protective factors” decades of research has shown families need to be strong, connected and happy. Visit the happyhome club online and join the thousands of families who are experiencing the powerful difference these simple habits can make in their lives. Take part in the life-changing happyhome challenge and earn free products that will enrich your family life at home...because happyhomes don’t just happen.

Lorle Campos, CEO/Founder of Once Upon a Family, is the author of happyhome: a family's guide to finding balance in a dizzybusy world. Take part in the happyhome Challenge to receive free tools and products to enrich your family life at home.